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Teens with Heart Defects: Romance and Sex

Ages 13 - 17 Years

Like all teens, teens with heart defects (CHDs) are usually very interested in sex and romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are a new type of social relationship that they need to understand. Caregivers can help them to be safe and informed, and to make choices that align with their values.

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Confusion and Curiousity

Many teens are confused by romantic and sexual feelings. They may need help understanding:

  • what they are feeling and why

  • how they may show their feelings

  • how they may not show their feelings

  • how to recognize what others feel

Sometimes people think teens with disabilities do not have sexual or romantic feelings. This is not true. Teens with physical and mental disabilities almost always develop sexual and romantic feelings.

Teens with heart defects may have more trouble understanding romantic and sexual relationships than other teens.

Prioritizing Safety

Every family has their own rules for sex and romance. Families should teach their own values. However, all teens need to stay safe in their relationships.

To stay safe in relationships, all teens should learn:

  • the difference between friendship and romance

  • what it means to give consent

  • what kind of touch is usually OK

  • what kind of touch is never OK without consent

  • what kind of talk is usually OK

  • what kind of talk is never OK without consent

  • how to say “no” to unwanted touch or attention

  • how to ask for consent in a way that is safe for others

  • how to monitor consent, and make sure if consent status changes

  • how to withdraw consent

  • how to ask for help if they do not feel safe or do not understand a social situation 

Many teens do not have sex. Other teens do have sex. In order to stay safe, teens who are having sex should learn:

  • how to prevent disease

  • how to prevent pregnancy

  • whether their heart disease makes sex or pregnancy unsafe

A cardiologist who specializes in congenital heart defects can help teens and their families to understand any safety concerns surrounding sex and/or pregnancy.

An Ongoing Process, A Shared Effort

Families should not worry that they have to teach their young person about sex and romance all at once, or that they need to do it alone. Conversations about sex and romance can take place naturally over time.

Families can get support in educating their children about sex and romance. Depending on their needs and goals, they may get support from their child's school, from a psychologist or other therapist, from books, or from a developmental-behavior pediatrician. Families should ask for help if they feel unsure or overwhelmed in trying to teach their children about sex and romance.

This content was reviewed by a psychologist at Boston Children's Hospital .

Developmental care is best when it is local. Families local to Boston can receive care from the Cardiac Neurodevelopmental Program (CNP). Families from other regions can use the link below to find their local care team.

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