Rest or Play?: Reading Your Baby's Cues

Newborns spend most of their time sleeping, and when they are awake, they are often crying or eating. During the first few months of life, babies gradually stay awake for longer periods of time, and are more often calm and alert when they are awake.

Caregivers can look for moments of quiet alertness to know when to play with a baby, and to help a baby learn and explore.

Here are signs that a younger baby is ready for engagement:

• open eyes

• relaxed face muscles, smooth forehead

• looking at toys or people in front of them

• relaxed torso

• regular breathing rate

• relatively smooth and coordinated movements

• typical skin color

• quiet or cooing

By the second half of their first year, babies are usually awake for extended periods. They are curious and interactive, and often looking for fun. They can communicate to their caregivers when they want to play, explore, and connect.

Here are signs that an older baby is ready to engage:

• making eye contact

• smiling

• gesturing or making noises to get attention

• showing people things

• turning their head to look at objects, people, or activities

• reaching and grabbing

• practicing new movement skills (lifting head, rolling, sitting, pushing onto all-fours)

• mouthing, shaking, and banging objects

• pointing

• laughing

• imitating

• movements relatively smooth and coordinated

• skin color typical

• regular breathing rate

• quiet, cooing, babbling, or playfully yelling, but not crying or fussing

When babies are calm and alert, they are ready to explore, learn, and grow. During these moments, they can practice their skills, discover new ideas, and connect with the people around them. Caregivers can help babies by being present, engaged, and responsive, and by gently leading them towards their developmental goals.

Here are some ideas for engaging with babies who are calm and alert:

• talk to the baby constantly: narrate what they are doing, describe what they are seeing

• read picture books

• sing songs with movements

• walk around and look at things together

• practice tummy time, rolling, sitting, or pulling to stand (depending on stage of development)

• roll a ball back and forth

• explore toys: reach, grab, shake, mouth, bang, stack, throw, pass from hand to hand

• put objects in and out of a container

• play with toys that make noise when you touch them

For more activities that build a baby's skills through play, click the links below.

Younger babies need to sleep most of the time, and they quickly tire of excitement. They usually give clear signs when they need to rest, and then caregivers can help them become calm and relaxed.

Here are cues that a young baby needs quiet rest:

• forehead creased

• eyes big (bug-eyed)

• skin unusually red, purple, blotchy, or pale

• looking away from people and objects by turning their head and/or their eyes

• sneezing

• hiccupping

• gagging or vomiting

• crying

• yawning

• fast or uneven breathing

• arched back

• splayed fingers and toes

• rapid, jerky, uncoordinated movements

Older babies are usually awake for extended periods each day. They are eager to practice new skills and to explore, and they often have trouble calming down even when they become tired. By reading their cues, caregivers can notice when babies are starting to become tired or overwhelmed and help them to relax and rest.

Here are cues that an older baby needs to rest:

• crying or fussing

• jerky movements that seem less controlled than usual

• flinging their body back

• tense muscles, arched back

• skin a different color than usual

• breathing rapid or uneven

• pushing toys or people away

• turning or looking away

• less able to concentrate

• yawning or hiccupping

• rubbing eyes

• sucking on pacifier, fingers, or objects

• rubbing soft objects or blankets on face

• clinging to parent, asking to be held

• hiding face on parent

• repetitive soothing movements (rubbing head, rubbing blanket)

When babies have too much stimulation, they become tired and overwhelmed. Newborns rely almost completely on their caregivers to help them calm down and regulate. As babies mature, they gradually become more skilled at self-soothing, but still need support.

When caregivers notice that babies need a break or a nap, they can help babies to calm their nervous systems and relax.

These strategies can help babies to regulate and rest:

• bring them to a place that is quiet and calm

• move away from exciting people, toys, activities, and objects

• move slowly and steadily

• limit eye contact

• talk in a quiet, calm, soothing voice, or stay quiet

• dim the lights

• offer something to suck on: finger, pacifier, bottle, breast, the baby's hands

• swaddle the baby in soft cloth

• offer any attachment object (a lovey, blanket, or stuffed toy)

• hold the baby chest-to-chest, or in another position that the baby prefers

• put a hand on the baby's head and stomach (if possible in their position)

• help the baby bring their hands to their mouth, or to grab a comfort item

• offer sounds that calm the baby: white noise, shushing sounds, quiet singing

• for older babies: read a familiar and repetitive picture book

• offer a bottle or breast, if appropriate for a baby's feeding needs and goals

When newborns and young babies become overwhelmed, they nearly always need to sleep. As babies get older, sometimes they just need a break from excitement, and then can relax into a state of quiet alertness. When caregivers continually monitor their baby's cues, they can recognize a baby's evolving needs.

Parents are the most important people in a baby's life, but they do not need to raise their babies alone. Many experts are available to help parents understand and support their babies, including psychologists, social workers, Child Life Specialists, Early Intervention (EI) providers, doctors, nurses, and therapists.

Families can reach out to their care teams or click the links below to find support. Help is always available.

This content was reviewed by staff at the Cardiac Neurodevelopmental Program at Boston Children's Hospital.

Developmental care is best when it is local. Families local to Boston can receive care from the Cardiac Neurodevelopmental Program (CNP). Families from other regions can use the link below to find their local care team.