Social Skills for Adults with Heart Defects

When people understand emotions, they have an easier time managing social situations. They can better monitor and manage their own reactions, and respond more appropriately to other people.

Young adults can get better at understanding feelings by working with a counselor, talking about feelings with a friend or loved one, reading books, and watching webinars or videos.

Learning about feelings can include:

• Learning the names of feelings, including complex feelings and mixed feelings

• Asking people they are feeling, and why, and really listening openly to their answers

• Labeling and explaining your own feelings

• Watching videos and reading books with emotional content, and talking with others about:

  • what characters are feeling, and why

  • how you can tell what they feel

  • what could have caused those feelings

  • why characters might be making certain choices

Young adults with heart defects often need a little more help than others to understand relationships.

Adults can learn more about relationships by reading books, watching webinars or videos, working with a counselor, and talking with family members or loved ones.

Learning about relationships can mean:

• Learning about the different ways in which people can be connected, and what defines these different types of relationships

• Reading books and watching videos about different types of relationships

  • Talking with a friend or family member about how the people are connected, how you can tell, and how they act as a result

• Learning about what behaviors are expected within different types of relationships

• Learning about consent, including how to ask for consent, how to give or deny consent, how to monitor consent over the course of an experience, and how to deny consent

• Understanding red flags, or signs that another person may be acting in a way that is not kind or safe

Young adults generally need to learn how to resolve disputes without relying on others to help.

Steps to good conflict resolution can include:

1. First, take a deep breath and count to 5.  Label your own feelings and thoughts. Make sure you are calm enough to work on this problem.

2. Ask the other person for their side, and listen quietly.  Really think about what they are saying.

3. Think about the situation.  Think about how each person might understand it, and how they could be right from their perspective.

4. Explain your perspective using “I” statements, and without blaming

5. Discuss a possible compromise

6. Keep talking until everyone can accept the decision

Some young people need help learning what is expected in different social situations. Others can help them to learn the unwritten rules of their culture and community.

Before a social event, young adults can ask a trusted friend or family member what to expect. They can ask the trusted person to walk them through what will happen, and what behaviors are expected. Watching videos or looking at pictures of similar events can help. Then, they can feel more confident going into the event.

Some young people like to practice acting out a social event beforehand, or even making a schedule or script.

Young adults usually become more socially adept when they have the opportunity to practice and be successful in a wide range of social experiences. 

They can try:

• joining a club or team of people with similar interests

• joining a heart defect advocacy group, or attending events

• challenging themselves to go to new types of events, activities, and places

• volunteering in situations where they interact with people who are younger, older, of differing abilities, and of differing backgrounds

If a young adult has trouble with new social experiences, or has anxiety, they may need to choose social activities carefully to build confidence and a history of success.

Find social situations that are not overwhelming. Depending on the young adult this can mean:

• they already know someone

• the place is familiar

• they do not need to talk too much

• they can do an activity they enjoy

• it is not too loud or bright

Young adults may want to prepare for events to minimize anxiety. This can mean:

• think of a few talking points

• practice how they will enter and leave a conversation

• practice asking questions that get other people talking

As young adults expand their social worlds and make new connections, they have an opportunity to determine what feels good in relationships, and what feels bad. They should notice how relationships feel, and invest in ones that make them feel safe, seen, and respected.

Being in a healthy relationship can mean:

• Solving conflicts with kindness and respect

• Showing affection regularly in a way that is wanted by both people

• Making it clear that you appreciate people for who they are

• Asking for consent before touching

• Setting and respecting healthy boundaries

• Making time for each other

• Trying to be fair

• Communicating openly, and listening well

As young adults get more adept at managing social relationships, they can also get better at finding and nurturing the relationships that foster contentment and wellbeing.

This content was reviewed by a psychologist at Boston Children's Hospital.

Developmental care is best when it is local. Families local to Boston can receive care from the Cardiac Neurodevelopmental Program (CNP) and/or the Boston Adult Congenital Heart (BACH) program. Families from other regions can use the link below to find their local care team.