Managing Parent Mental Health when Baby has a CHD

Parents of babies with heart defects frequently face multiple sad and scary experiences, often with little time to process their thoughts and feelings in between. They must witness their baby's illness and medical treatments, receive diagnoses, and often spend time in an uncomfortable hospital, away from family and home.

Some parents face financial problems, and must give up an income or a career. Having an ill newborn can reconfigure family structures, and create stress and discomfort as family members settle into new roles.

Unsurprisingly, parents of babies with heart defects often report symptoms of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. When untreated, these mental health concerns can linger or worsen, and affect a parent's functioning and wellbeing.

Parents with depression and intense anxiety may not be able to parent as well as they want to, and ultimately their own mental health may negatively affect the wellbeing of their baby.

Luckily, many different interventions can help parents to manage their own mental health, and to be healthier for their baby.

Many parents benefit from therapy that focuses on processing their memories, and managing their stress and worry. There are many different kinds of therapy. Helpful types of therapy for parents of babies with heart defects may include:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

• Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

• Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)

• Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)

• Psychodynamic Therapy

Parents can find a therapist by asking their doctor or insurance company.  They can also look online for therapists in their area.

It is important to find a therapist who fits well with a person’s goals and needs. Sometimes people try several therapists before they find one who is a good fit. Parents may want to ask therapists about their experience working with people who have experienced medical trauma.

These links are provided as resources only. Boston Children's Hospital and the Benderson Family Heart Center don't necessarily endorse all of the information on these sites.

Parents hear this advice all the time, and often ignore it. But truly: parents must find time and space for self-care.

Worrying about a child does not end when they are discharged from the hospital. Parents need to take time to build their own resilience in order to cope well over the long term.

Self-care looks different from one person to another, but often means:

• sometimes leaving the baby with a trusted caregiver and taking some time away, even just to shower or go for a walk

• exercising

• spending time with friends and family members

• participating in hobbies or work that bring interest, joy, and independent identity

• eating plenty of food that feels and tastes good

• drinking plenty of water

• getting as much sleep as possible

• going to the doctor and dentist, and following their advice

• spending a little time each day doing something fun that is not related to the baby

• going outside: walking, gardening, swimming, picnicking, being in nature

• asking for help and not feeling guilty about it (everybody needs help!)

• showering, brushing teeth, changing clothes every day

Having a sick baby can be isolating, and some parents feel like they have trouble connecting with friends, families, and other parents of young children in their community.

Many parents find solace in connecting with other parents of children with heart defects. These connections give them community and support, and make them feel less alone.

Parents may be able to connect with others through:

• contacting heart defect advocacy groups

• joining support groups run by their hospital

• asking their hospital about peer-to-peer support or mentoring programs

• attending congenital heart defect events

Mindfulness strategies can help parents to control their thoughts and feelings, and to focus on the present moment. When they can focus on the present, their thoughts don't spiral into troubling memories of the past, or fears for the future.

Mindfulness means intentionally paying attention to the present moment, without judging.

Effective mindfulness strategies can include:

• sitting or standing meditations (focusing on the feeling of the breath coming in and out of the body, or listening to and following a guided meditation)

• walking meditation (walking slowly and intentionally, deliberately noticing what you see, hear, smell, feel, taste)

• body scans (focusing on each part of the body in turn, possibly also tensing and then releasing the muscles in that body part)

• loving kindness meditation (thinking of another person, and focusing on wishing well for them)

• mindful movement (doing yoga or a similar exercise, and intentionally matching movement with breath, while focusing on how it feels)

Some parents help manage their mental health with medication. For many people, medication can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and can help parents to be their best selves.

Parents can talk with their doctor if they think that medication may help them with their mental health.

Your baby is dependent on you for everything, and needs you to be present, engaged, and responsive. When you take charge of your own mental health, you are doing a great thing for your baby's health as well.

This content was reviewed by a psychologist at Boston Children's Hospital.

Anyone who is feeling desperate, hopeless, or is having thoughts of harming themself or someone else should immediately call 911 or go to an emergency department.

People experiencing thoughts of suicide can also call 988 to reach a 24-hour help line. Someone is always available to listen.