How You Can Support a Baby's Emotional Development

When babies are born, they do not know what they are feeling, or how to ask for what they need. They may not recognize or understand other people's feelings. If they are distressed, they do not know how to feel better.

Babies depend on adults to co-regulate: together with a trusted and responsive caregiver, babies can start to understand their feelings, and learn how to relax.

These strategies can help your baby start successfully down the path of emotional development.

Babies are able to self-regulate better when they do not feel stressed. 

Grownups can help by making an environment that is predictable and not overwhelming.

A calm environment means:

• Lights that are not too bright

• Not too loud

• Following a routine that the baby learns and expects

• Familiar and responsive people

Toys and spaces that are safe for the baby to explore

Even in a hospital room, caregivers can work together to keep the room as calm and predictable as possible for the baby.

 Babies need to learn about what they are feeling.  Adults can help them by reflecting a baby’s feelings in their own faces and behaviors.

If a baby is sad:

• Show concern in your face and voice

• Make the baby comfortable

• Soothe the baby to help them feel better

If a baby is mad:

• Show concern in your face and voice

• Make the baby comfortable

• Soothe the baby to help them feel better

If a baby is scared:

Show concern in your face and voice

• Hold the baby close to you

• Remove the scary thing, or introduce it more gradually

• Soothe the baby to help them feel better

If a baby is surprised:

• Show surprise in your face too

• Show interest in what surprised them

• If they are scared, comfort them

• If they are excited, act excited too 

If a baby is happy or excited:

• Smile back at the baby

• Talk in an excited voice

• Look at the baby

• Touch and play with the baby

As babies get older, adults can help by naming the baby’s emotions.  They can say:

• “You seem sad.”

• “Are you excited?”

• “Did that surprise you?”

• “What a happy baby!”

Naming emotions helps babies to learn what they are feeling and why. It helps them get ready to talk about their own feelings.

Babies do best when they have a close connection with one or two caregivers. These caregivers are usually their parents or guardians.

Within a secure attachment, the baby:

• Is comforted by the caregiver

• Feels safe

• Knows the caregiver will respond to their needs and feelings

• Trusts and relies on the caregiver

 Adults can help a baby to form a secure attachment by:

• Holding the baby as often as possible

• Holding the skin-to-skin when possible (“kangaroo care”)

• Keeping the baby comfortable: changing their diaper or feeding them when they need it, managing pain

• Soothing the baby when they are unhappy

  • Swaddling (wrap tightly in a blanket)

  • Putting their hands near their mouth

  • Giving them a nipple to suck on

  • Feeding them if hungry

  • Holding them chest-to-chest or in a “rocking” position

  • Gently bouncing, patting, or rocking

  • Making shh’ing sounds

  • Offering a lovie

• Looking into the baby’s face and copying their expressions and sounds

• Showing delight in the baby

• Showing interest in what the baby is doing

• Singing and talking to the baby

Sometimes, a baby has trouble forming a secure attachment.  Babies can have trouble forming a secure attachment if they:

• Have many different caregivers

• Do not have much time with their primary caregiver

• Do not know what to expect

• Are often uncomfortable

• Are often hungry

• Are rarely held

• Are sedated or very sleepy

• Have a caregiver with depression

Sometimes in a hospital, a baby is cared for by many different adults.  When possible, the parent(s) or guardian(s) should provide as much care as possible. When family is involved in taking care of a baby, the baby is better able to form a secure attachment.

Some caregivers have trouble attaching to a baby.  When the caregiver has trouble attaching, the baby usually has trouble attaching too. Caregivers may have trouble attaching if they:

• Have depression

• Have post-partum depression (depression that occurs after childbirth)

• Have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

• Had a poor attachment with their own parents

• Have a history of being the victim of abuse

• Are afraid to love a baby who may die

A strong attachment is very important for a baby’s development.  Parents who have trouble attaching to a baby can get help.  They can learn how to have a healthy attachment with their infant.

When doctors or nurses notice that a parent and baby do not seem well attached, they should consider referring the parent for therapy. If a parent notices that they do not feel attached to their baby, they should ask for a referral to a mental health counselor, psychologist, or social worker. 

While adults can do a great deal to support a baby’s emotional development, it is important to remember that it will not happen all at once. Babies become better at understanding and managing emotions as they grow up, and continue to build skills into early adulthood. 

The task of infancy is to set the stage for long-term emotional well-being, through a safe home, responsive caregiving, and healthy models of emotion regulation.

This content was reviewed by a psychologist at Boston Children's Hospital.

Families local to Boston can find support for early emotional development through the Cardiac Neurodevelopmental Program. Click below for more information: