Emotional Intelligence and Adult Heart Defects

 While growing up, everyone must learn to recognize and manage big feelings, and to respond appropriately to other people's feelings.

This learning process is hard for many people. For some young people with heart defects, learning to understand and manage emotions is even harder than is typical.   

However, with practice and teaching, young adults with heart defects can get much better at understanding, managing, and responding to emotions. These strategies can help.

Young adults can typically accurately name, identify, and describe basic feelings such as sadness, anger, disgust, and happiness. However, they may still need help consistently recognizing and responding to these feelings, both in themselves and others.

They are often still learning to understand more complex emotions. They may still have trouble understanding feelings such as envy, shame, pride, nostalgia, and anxiety. They also may still struggle to recognize and interpret mixed emotions, such as if someone feels relieved, disappointed, and sad at the same time.

When young adults are able to describe what they feel more consistently and more accurately, they are better able to manage their feelings.

Young adults can work with a family member, teacher, or therapist to understand feelings better.

They can practice by:

• Talking about what characters in books or movies feel, and why

• Asking others what they feel, and why

• Writing or drawing in a journal about what they feel

• Identifying how an emotion feels in their body

• Asking themselves:

  • What thoughts am I having?

  • What does my body feel like?

  • How am I acting?

  • What feeling is connected with these thoughts, feelings and actions?

Almost all young adults can learn to use calming strategies on purpose.  They can learn these strategies when they are already calm, and then practice using them when they feel strong emotions.

Some people like to make a book or poster with all their calming strategies.

These strategies help most people:

• Think about something happy

• Practice deep belly breathing

• Take a break in a quiet space

• Write or draw in a journal

• Have a cold drink

• Splash cold water on their face

• Take a shower

• Tense and then release their muscles

• Do a quick burst of exercise

• Take a walk outside

• Pet an animal

• Make a list of things they are grateful for

• Focus on their breathing, the feeling of their body on the floor or a chair, and what they see, smell, taste, hear, and feel in the moment

Young adults can make a list of other calming strategies that work for them.

Young people who are open to emotional learning usually can make steady progress through adulthood. Emotional learning never needs to stop, and people can become wiser about their own feelings and other people's feelings throughout their lives.

Young adults and family members can support each other by talking about emotions, inviting people to show and share feelings, and responding with love and respect when others show how they feel.

This content was reviewed by a psychologist at Boston Children's Hospital .

Developmental care is best when it is local. Families local to Boston can receive care from the Cardiac Neurodevelopmental Program (CNP) and/or the Boston Adult Congenital Heart (BACH) program. Families from other regions can use the link below to find their local care team.