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Green Flags and Red Flags in Adult Relationships

Ages 18 - 24 Years

As young adults, many young people with heart defects forge new relationships without much guidance from their parents. Relationships can with friends, romantic partners, roommates, classmates, and colleagues/co-workers. Sometimes, young adults are not yet skilled at identifying healthy versus unhealthy relationship. They may especially have difficulty if they struggle with social thinking or general understanding. Here are some signs that can help guide young people to healthy relationships.

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In this section

What are green Ffags?What are red flags?Getting help You might also like:

What are green Ffags?

When you are thinking about starting a relationship, or are in a relationship of any kind, here are some signs that the relationship is healthy:

you can communicate openly and express your real feelings, without fear of the other person responding in a way that is scary or belittling
you can set reasonable boundaries, and the other person respects them
the other person has shown that they tell the truth, and follow through on commitments and promises
the other person celebrates your accomplishments
the other person gives you opportunities to do things you enjoy, and to achieve your goals
you and the other person have separate lives and independence, no matter how close you are
you feel good in their presence
you can have fun together
the person gives you the benefit of the doubt, and assumes you have good intentions
you and the other person can work out problems collaboratively and respectfully
you always feel safe physically and emotionally
when you think about the other person, you get a good or warm feeling

What are red flags?

When you are thinking about starting a relationship, or are in a relationship of any kind, here are some signs that the relationship is NOT healthy:

the other person puts you down or minimizes your accomplishments
the other person pushes you to make commitments quickly, before you are ready
the other person is jealous of you
the other person isolates you from your friends or family
the other person tries to control you
the other person "punishes" you whenever you do not do exactly what they want
the other person blames you for things that are not your fault
the other person expects you to be perfect, and blames you if you are not
the other person blames you for their feelings
the other person insults you
the other person forces you to do something you are uncomfortable with
the other person does not respect boundaries that you set
the other person hurts your body
when you think about the other person, you get a scared or "icky" feeling

Getting help

Young people do not have to navigate the confusing world of relationships on their own. Caring adults are available to help.

Young people can work on their social skills and social understanding with professionals such as a therapist or speech and language pathologist. Young adults can also seek trusted friends and family members for advice.

If young people feel unsafe in a relationship, they deserve to get help. See below for resources.

These links are provided as resources only. Boston Children's Hospital and the Benderson Family Heart Center don't necessarily endorse all of the information on these sites.

This content was reviewed by a psychologist at Boston Children’s Hospital.

Developmental care is best when it is local. Families local to Boston can receive care from the Cardiac Neurodevelopmental Program (CNP). Families from other regions can use the link below to find their local care team.Families with concerns related to domestic violence can get help from the resources below.

References

Antoniou, A. S. G. (2009). ‘Unhealthy’Relationships at Work and Emerging Ethical Issues. In Handbook of Managerial Behavior and Occupational Health. Edward Elgar Publishing.https://www.elgaronline.com/edcollchap/edcoll/9781848440951/9781848440951.00019.xml

Ashforth, B. E., & Sluss, D. M. (2006). Relational identities in organizations: Healthy versus unhealthy. Relational perspectives in organization studies, 8-27.https://www.elgaronline.com/edcollbook/1845421256.xml#page=22

Brar, P., Boat, A. A., & Brady, S. S. (2023). But he loves me: Teens’ comments about healthy and unhealthy romantic relationships. Journal of adolescent research, 38(4), 632-665.https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/07435584221079726

Kokkonen, J., & Paavilainen, T. (1992). Social adaptation of young adults with congenital heart disease. International journal of cardiology, 36(1), 23-29.https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/016752739290104B

Rodenhizer, K. A. E., Edwards, K. M., Camp, E. E., & Murphy, S. B. (2021). It’s HERstory: Unhealthy relationships in adolescence and subsequent social and emotional development in college women. Violence against women, 27(9), 1337-1360.https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1077801220937787

Setty, E., & Dobson, E. (2023). An exploration of healthy and unhealthy relationships experienced by emerging adults during the covid-19 lockdowns in england. Emerging Adulthood, 11(6), 1502-1517.https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/21676968231200094

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