Family guide to teenage development
Your companion for ages 13-17
The teen years are often a time of extremes. Young people have big feelings, and go through big changes. They enjoy the thrill of new independence and the responsibilities that come with it. During these years, parents provide a safe “home base” as young people explore their widening world.
Some teens are getting ready to live on their own. Other teens need their parents for daily care and life skills. This guide will help you and your teen through these exciting years.
Starting with the basics
Do you want to support your teen’s continued development, but aren’t sure where to start? Don’t worry: we’re here to help. We’ve highlighted the most important things you can do right now to help your teen meet their goals.
Understanding domains of development
As children grow up, they develop in multiple skill areas at the same time. We call these skill areas “domains of development.”
Some kids develop pretty evenly across domains. Other kids develop quickly in some domains, and more slowly in others.
When you think about your teen's development, you may find it helpful to think about how they are doing in each domain.
Then, you can use this knowledge to nurture your teen's strengths, and support their weaknesses.
Think includes understanding, recognizing patterns, solving problems, learning. It is also called “cognitive development.”
Move includes using arms and legs, using hands, balance, coordination, strength. It is also called “motor development.”
Talk includes speaking or signing, listening, understanding, communicating. It is also called “language development.”
Connect includes understanding other people, social skills, relationships. It is also called “social development.”
Feel includes self-regulation, understanding emotions, managing feelings. It is also called “emotional development.”
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Exploring your child’s development
Cognition is how a person learns, thinks, solves problems, and understands. The brain grows rapidly through the teenage years, and teenagers usually discover much more sophisticated ways to make sense of the world.
Most teenagers learn how to think abstractly, which means they can think about ideas that they cannot see or touch. Instead of accepting things as they are, teens often start to imagine things being different, and to consider what is fair or right. Teens usually get much better at thinking logically, solving problems, and making plans.
However, teenage brains are still developing. They often have trouble considering the consequences of actions, and identifying priorities. Their thinking is often still very black-and-white, which means they might have trouble compromising or appreciating subtlety.
Typical cognitive skills of adolescence
During middle childhood (ages 5-12), children usually learn to:
Put things in order
Sort objects in multiple ways
Learn and follow rules
Tell the difference between what is real and what is pretend
Learn and organize a lot of facts
Make a plan and follow it
Understand basic math
Solve problems using logic
Answer questions about what they do and think
Explain why something makes sense
Understand that people have different ideas and beliefs
Make up games and teach them to others
Play pretend with other people
Pay attention for longer periods of time
Cognitive challenges, delays, and differences
As children with CHDs enter their school years, their worlds expand. They learn many new skills, and discover new ideas.
Even as they grow and learn, sometimes children with CHDs gain cognitive skills later than other children, or differently from other children.
Children may have a hard time gaining cognitive skills if they:
Are often sick or in pain
Spend a lot of time in the hospital
Do not have a wide range of experiences
Cannot go to school regularly
Do not have an appropriate education program
Have a brain injury
Have an intellectual disability (ID)
Have a genetic syndrome that affects brain development
Sometimes, school-age children with CHDs develop cognitive skills later than children, or differently from other cognitive.
With intervention, many children with CHDs can catch up with their peers. Other children do not catch up, but intervention can help them to learn skills, meet goals, and feel successful.
When a child (ages 5-12) has a cognitive difference or delay, they might:
Act like a younger child
Have trouble understanding how ideas are connected
Have difficulty recognizing patterns
Not understand why things happen
Easily forget what they learn
Not use logic to solve problems
Struggle to respond to questions
Not connect what they know to new situations
Confuse fantasy and reality
Need extra time to think or respond
If you notice that your child is struggling in any of these ways, tell their doctor and teacher. Remember: every child can learn, and help is always available.
Understanding Risk-Taking Behavior in Teens
People are more likely to do risky things as teens and young adults than they are at other times of their lives.
Risky behaviors are dangerous by definition. But for young people with CHDs, certain risky behaviors can be especially dangerous.
Families can help young people to stay safe by understanding the nature of risk-taking among teens and young adults with CHDs, and identifying choices that are both safe and satisfying.
How you can support thinking and learning
Teenage brains are still growing, and teenagers generally discover new ideas, and new ways of thinking. All teens can make progress in cognitive skills with teaching and practice.
As parents, you can help your teen to build new thinking and learning skills. Here are some ideas.
Services to support thinking and learning
Does your teen have a diagnosis such as Intellectual Disability (ID), borderline intellectual functioning, or neurocognitive disorder?
If so, then your teen qualifies for multiple free services through your public-school district.
Public schools are often your best resource for free and comprehensive interventions.
Keep reading to learn some of the ways your school district may be able to help your family.
Interventions for development
Teenage brains are still developing, and are astonishingly "plastic," meaning they can change, grow, and heal. Developmental interventions can literally build and rewire a teen's brain. Timely, appropriate intervention can help teenagers to learn new skills and concepts, make up for lost ground, and reach their goals.
Explore the selected interventions below, search our resources, or visit our Power of Intervention page. Help is always available.
Aidan: a heart story
When Aidan was a young child, he was often frustrated and dysregulated. His parents struggled to understand the cause of his behavior. They hated seeing their child unhappy, but were unsure how to help him.
Before he entered middle school, Aidan had a neurodevelopmental evaluation. Through this evaluation, Aidan and his family finally understood the nature of his difficulties. They were able to set up interventions that met his needs, and Aidan started thriving both at school and at home.
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