Family guide to teenage development
Your companion for ages 13-17
The teen years are often a time of extremes. Young people have big feelings, and go through big changes. They enjoy the thrill of new independence and the responsibilities that come with it. During these years, parents provide a safe “home base” as young people explore their widening world.
Some teens are getting ready to live on their own. Other teens need their parents for daily care and life skills. This guide will help you and your teen through these exciting years.
Starting with the basics
What you can do right now
Do you want to support your teen’s continued development, but aren’t sure where to start? Don’t worry: we’re here to help. We’ve highlighted the most important things you can do right now to help your teen meet their goals.
Understanding domains of development
As children grow up, they develop in multiple skill areas at the same time. We call these skill areas “domains of development.”
Some kids develop pretty evenly across domains. Other kids develop quickly in some domains, and more slowly in others.
When you think about your teen's development, you may find it helpful to think about how they are doing in each domain.
Then, you can use this knowledge to nurture your teen's strengths, and support their weaknesses.
Think includes understanding, recognizing patterns, solving problems, learning. It is also called “cognitive development.”
Move includes using arms and legs, using hands, balance, coordination, strength. It is also called “motor development.”
Talk includes speaking or signing, listening, understanding, communicating. It is also called “language development.”
Connect includes understanding other people, social skills, relationships. It is also called “social development.”
Feel includes self-regulation, understanding emotions, managing feelings. It is also called “emotional development.”
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Exploring your child’s development
Cognition is how a person learns, thinks, solves problems, and understands. The brain grows rapidly through the teenage years, and teenagers usually discover much more sophisticated ways to make sense of the world.
Most teenagers learn how to think abstractly, which means they can think about ideas that they cannot see or touch. Instead of accepting things as they are, teens often start to imagine things being different, and to consider what is fair or right. Teens usually get much better at thinking logically, solving problems, and making plans.
However, teenage brains are still developing. They often have trouble considering the consequences of actions, and identifying priorities. Their thinking is often still very black-and-white, which means they might have trouble compromising or appreciating subtlety.
Typical cognitive skills of adolescence
Most teenagers learn to:
Understand abstract ideas (things they cannot see or touch)
Use logic to solve complicated problems
Think about big or philosophical questions
Understand how and why people have different points of view
Make and follow plans with multiple steps
Consider several aspects of a problem at the same time
Evaluate whether an argument makes sense
Plan for their future
Cognitive challenges, delays, and differences
Teenagers with CHDs continue to have new experiences and gain new interests and skills. However, sometimes teens with CHDs gain cognitive skills later than other teens, or differently from other teens.
Teens may have lagging cognitive skills if they:
Are often sick or in the hospital
Have frequent medical procedures
Cannot do many of the things their peers do
Miss a lot of school
Have a brain injury
Have a genetic syndrome that affects brain development
Have an intellectual disability (ID)
Sometimes, teens with CHDs develop cognitive skills later than most other kids, or differently from most other kids.
By the time they are teenagers, young people’s cognitive profiles are unlikely to change very much. This means that if they are well behind their peers in thinking and learning, they are likely to remain behind. However, intervention can always help teens to continue learning, growing, and finding success.
When a teen (ages 13-17) has a cognitive difference or delay, they might:
Work more slowly than their peers
Need extra time to respond to questions
Not understand abstract ideas (things they cannot see or touch)
Have trouble solving problems
Not recognize patterns
Not understand how ideas are connected
Learn more slowly than their peers
Act like a younger child
Not learn skills their peers are learning
Not remember what they learned
If you notice that your teen is struggling in any of these ways, tell their doctor and teacher. Remember: every young person can learn, and help is always available.
Understanding Risk-Taking Behavior in Teens
People are more likely to do risky things as teens and young adults than they are at other times of their lives.
Risky behaviors are dangerous by definition. But for young people with CHDs, certain risky behaviors can be especially dangerous.
Families can help young people to stay safe by understanding the nature of risk-taking among teens and young adults with CHDs, and identifying choices that are both safe and satisfying.
How you can support thinking and learning
Teenage brains are still growing, and teenagers generally discover new ideas, and new ways of thinking. All teens can make progress in cognitive skills with teaching and practice.
As parents, you can help your teen to build new thinking and learning skills. Here are some ideas.
Services to support thinking and learning
Does your teen have a diagnosis such as Intellectual Disability (ID), borderline intellectual functioning, or neurocognitive disorder?
If so, then your teen qualifies for multiple free services through your public-school district.
Public schools are often your best resource for free and comprehensive interventions.
Keep reading to learn some of the ways your school district may be able to help your family.
Interventions for development
Teenage brains are still developing, and are astonishingly "plastic," meaning they can change, grow, and heal. Developmental interventions can literally build and rewire a teen's brain. Timely, appropriate intervention can help teenagers to learn new skills and concepts, make up for lost ground, and reach their goals.
Explore the selected interventions below, search our resources, or visit our Power of Intervention page. Help is always available.
Aidan: a heart story
When Aidan was a young child, he was often frustrated and dysregulated. His parents struggled to understand the cause of his behavior. They hated seeing their child unhappy, but were unsure how to help him.
Before he entered middle school, Aidan had a neurodevelopmental evaluation. Through this evaluation, Aidan and his family finally understood the nature of his difficulties. They were able to set up interventions that met his needs, and Aidan started thriving both at school and at home.
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